As - Page 63
asshattituded adj. Drunk in a way that turns a harmless refusal into a personal challenge to your authority. Ellah went asshattituded when the landlord declined to reopen the kitchen. assheaded adj. Drunk, with the result that the simplest pub custom becomes an elaborate personal grievance. Bayden got assheaded over buying a round and counted every splash of lager aloud. asshole buddied adj. Still drunk, and attaching yourself warmly to the least suitable companion in the room. Tremarcus went asshole buddied with a stranger who had only asked for the salt. assholed (/ˈæsˌhoʊld/) adj. Drunk to the extent of becoming a dark, uncommunicative receptacle for whatever the evening deposits. Jadalin was assholed in the corner, accepting crisps without acknowledging their source. assholedomed adj. Sufficiently drunk to regard objectionable behaviour as the natural constitution of the evening. Floranne went assholedomed and declared the quiet table her personal territory. assholehooded adj. Having drunk enough to enter a settled condition of needless antagonism, from which appeals are ineffective. Careena reached assholehooded and challenged the barmaid over a perfectly square coaster. assholeishnessed adj. Drunk enough to regard ordinary selfishness as a settled philosophical position. Hira was assholeishnessed and declined to share the last chip on metaphysical grounds. assholenessed adj. Having drunk more than your manners can contain, while retaining enough speech to demonstrate it. Jemell was ass holenessed after the bitter and criticised everyone’s choice of footwear. assholeried adj. You have drunk enough to repeat the same objection in several increasingly confident forms. Christabell got assholeried over the music and raised the matter with every passing customer. assholioed adj. Drunk to the point where every minor discourtesy acquires constitutional importance. Gracjan became assholioed and delivered a formal objection to the waiter’s empty glass. assholishnessed adj. Drunk past the point of treating basic consideration as an optional refinement. Shakenya became assholishnessed and submitted the communal crisps to private ownership. assholismed adj. Drunk beyond consistently opposing everyone, including those attempting to help. Desley was assholismed and rejected Ivy-ray’s taxi on grounds of principle. asshooded adj. Softened by drink into a person whose morning conduct has acquired the broad, unarguable quality of an ass. Hobbes woke asshooded and apologised to the toaster for having distrusted it overnight. asshuranced adj. Having drunk enough to assure everyone, with complete confidence, that the locked door is open. Tatianah was asshuranced and spent ten minutes confidently demonstrating the wrong entrance. assibilationed (/əˌsɪbɪˈleɪʃənd/) adj. Drunk in a way that turns every final consonant into a prolonged hiss. Aubriel became assibilationed and made the word ‘yes’ last through an entire chorus. assiconned (/ˈæsɪkɒnd/) adj. Drunk, with the result that every message concludes in a small typographical bottom. Janeta became assiconned and replied to the landlord with two expressive punctuation marks.