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benchmarked (/ˈbɛn(t)ʃmɑːkd/) adj. Drunk enough to appoint yourself the standard by which everyone else's decisions are measured. Willora got benchmarked and rated the entire pub's judgement from the doorway. benchmarkered adj. Drunk past the point of carrying out any fair comparison, yet confidently issuing performance figures. Karrisa became benchmarkered and declared the quietest table the evening's clear winner. benchmarketinged adj. Drunk beyond the point where one flattering result can be presented as proof of everything. Anarae got benchmarketinged and advertised one successful dart as evidence of general excellence. benchmarkinged (/ˈbɛnt͡ʃmɑɹkd/) adj. Drunk in a way that turns every conversation into a performance measurement against an unsuitable standard. Teirra grew benchmarkinged and compared each friend's dancing with the best dancer present. benchmated adj. Drunk, with the result that the person beside you becomes an adviser, accomplice and permanent companion. Anthuan sat benchmated beside a stranger and entrusted him with the route to the kebab shop. benchoded adj. Drunk and occupying a bench with the settled importance of someone awaiting repairs. Monseratt was benchoded outside the café, guarding a paper cup of water. benchpressed adj. Drunk to the extent of treating a recumbent position as an athletic discipline and every rise as a personal record. Keeson became benchpressed and attempted a competitive ascent while Kysan timed him. benchrest rifled adj. Drunk to the extent of requiring a fixed platform before attempting any apparently precise undertaking. benchrested adj. Drunk to a degree that every decision is made from a supported position, with remarkable but misplaced precision. Pennyann went benchrested and aligned the salt shaker before attempting her difficult explanation. benchrestered adj. Drunk on the strength of a stable position, and consequently convinced every subsequent shot will be exact. Lanndon got benchrestered and challenged the room to witness his carefully calculated toast. benchsided adj. Drunk since last orders, and reduced to one edge of the seating while directing proceedings from there. Arnela was benchsided, issuing firm instructions from the far end of the pub seat. benchslaped adj. Drunk by the third round, and delivering a ruling so severe that even your own argument is humiliated. Jasee became benchslaped and dismissed the group's route home as procedurally indefensible. benchtopped adj. Drunk by closing time, and treating every flat surface as an authoritative platform for grand decisions. Marquette got benchtopped and announced the final seating plan from beside the till. benchwarmered adj. Drunk to a degree that makes every active responsibility seem better assigned to someone else. Lestine was benchwarmered, offering encouragement from the safest chair in the room. benchworked adj. Still drunk, and applying sustained, practical effort to a task whose purpose has quietly disappeared. Weda stayed benchworked, repairing the same pen while confidently rejecting assistance. bencianoled adj. Too drunk to prevent the evening's spasms of confidence, each followed by an unnecessary intervention. Fizah became bencianoled and interrupted three conversations to settle points nobody had raised.