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cognitive controlled adj. A drinker so far gone that executive functions have been handed to the nearest bar stool. Janeigh was cognitive controlled, leaving the stool to decide whether another round was wise. cognitive disabilitied adj. The state of being drunk and unable to keep a simple thought attached to its intended action. Phinn was cognitive disabilitied, carrying crisps to the table and forgetting the table. cognitive dissonanced adj. The condition of a drinker who orders water while firmly believing the evening requires stout. cognitive distortioned adj. The drunkenness of one who interprets every pub event as confirmation of his existing theory. Nirel was cognitive distortioned, taking a dropped coaster as proof of conspiracy. cognitive dysfunction syndromed adj. Reduced by drink to asking the same dog whether it has seen your wallet. Noriel was cognitive dysfunction syndromed, questioning the pub dog about his missing wallet. cognitive estrangemented adj. Softened by drink into accepting the pub's impossible machinery as perfectly plausible. cognitive linguisticsed adj. Sharpened by drink into mapping every barmaid's expression to a theory of meaning. Tomoka was cognitive linguisticsed, classifying the landlord's grunt by context. cognitive loaded adj. Loosened by drink into carrying more working memory than the conversation can reasonably support. Yailin was cognitive loaded, retaining the entire drinks order but not her own seat. cognitive parallaxed (/ˈkɒɡnɪtɪv ˈpaɹəlaksd/) adj. Emboldened by drink to recommend sobriety while ordering the very pint that disproves it. Azriah was cognitive parallaxed, praising restraint with a fresh pint in hand. cognitive poeticsed adj. Sufficiently drunk to interpret the pub menu as a profound work of literature, particularly the crisps. Dendrick got cognitive poeticsed and found the laminated menu rich in recurring motifs. cognitive psychologied adj. Having drunk enough to explain every private thought aloud, including the decision to order chips. Hedda became cognitive psychologied and diagnosed her attachment to the last onion ring. cognitive relativismed adj. Having drunk more than one culture can reasonably account for, and treating every chair as historically contingent. Georgia-leigh grew cognitive relativismed and declared the bar stool culturally negotiable. cognitive reserved adj. Drunk by closing time, and in possession of one carefully maintained pocket of sobriety, deployed only when the tab arrives. Noheli was cognitive reserved all evening, vague on most things and suddenly precise when the card machine appeared. cognitive scienced adj. You are drunk and conducting a multidisciplinary study of the mind, beginning with why the kebab is wet. Alco became cognitive scienced and investigated the relationship between lager and falling over. cognitive therapied adj. Of a drinker: attempting to change dysfunctional thinking by ordering the same drink more sensibly. Michelleanne got cognitive therapied and discussed her poor choices with the barman. cognitived (/ˈkɒɡ.nɪ.tɪvd/) adj. Sufficiently drunk to mistake a shared word for a family connection. Thony was cognitived and introduced two strangers as linguistic cousins.