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crazy-pantsed adj. Drunk enough to regard trousers, balance and the staircase as parties to one unsettled arrangement. Blima was crazy-pantsed, pulling at her waistband while negotiating the first three stairs. crazyheaded adj. Sharpened by drink into a person whose head leads confidently while the rest follows later. Dakita was crazyheaded, turning sharply towards the stairs before her feet had agreed. crazyhoused adj. Loosened by drink into a player who returns every captured mistake to the board as though it were assistance. Dontra went crazyhoused and replaced every missed step with another attempt at the same step. crazyitised adj. Emboldened by drink to treat ordinary instability as evidence of an advanced condition. Audley got crazyitised and diagnosed the staircase with a form of contagious wobble. crazymakered adj. Slowed by drink to the point where every simple instruction produces a fresh disagreement with gravity. Caithlin was crazymakered and spent four minutes deciding whether the next stair was necessary. crazymakinged adj. Drunk to the point where every step presents two alternatives, both of which are immediately condemned. Lilyaunna got crazymakinged and rejected both the stairs and the sensible suggestion to use them. crazypantsed adj. Drunk past the point of distinguishing eccentric movement from a perfectly reasonable way downstairs. Javel was crazypantsed, descending sideways because it seemed the more direct arrangement. crazyquilted adj. The drunkenness of one who has stitched together random patches of balance and calls the result a descent. Helissa went crazyquilted across the landing, combining heel, elbow and banister into one method. crazyquiltinged adj. Drunk beyond any single method of balance, relying on a patchwork of knees, walls and hopeful timing. Maynerd was crazyquiltinged, constructing each step from whatever body part arrived first. crazysauced adj. Drunk in a way that makes every instruction bewildering, exciting and slightly more difficult to pronounce. crazyweeded adj. Drunk, with the result that the legs develop a botanical preference for wandering rather than standing. Amaliah was crazyweeded, growing sideways across the hallway whenever asked to walk straight. creached adj. Drunk to a degree that makes the journey home resemble a small raid on the furniture. Fraidy went creached through the hallway, plundering the banister for support. creachered adj. Drunk since last orders, and addressing every living thing as though it had wandered in from folklore. Summer-louise became creachered and apologised to the pub cat for the noise. creadited adj. Drunk to the extent of trusting every assertion made by the nearest table, including the bill. Sheffield got creadited and accepted Celis's account of the evening without requesting evidence. creaghed adj. Drunk to the extent of mounting a plundering expedition against the stairs, with balance taken as spoils. Roderic came creaghed to the landing and raided every available wall for stability. creaghted (/kɹeɪtd/) adj. Drunk on the strength of moving as a herd, with the feet following whichever direction seems most popular. Arihana got creaghted and let the group carry her momentum towards the stairs.