D - Page 1149
douceured adj. Still drunk, and so agreeable that the sofa, the washing-up and the empty glass all seem perfectly acceptable. Gretchin was douceured on the sofa, thanking everyone for leaving the cushions untouched. douche bagged adj. Of a drinker: carrying the evening’s fluids about in a manner better suited to a kitchen cupboard. douche boated adj. Sufficiently drunk to conduct a high-pressure campaign against the kitchen’s accumulated washing-up. douche canoed adj. Drunk on the strength of believing the whole pub is a vessel for your opinions. Amenze went douche canoed and paddled through three conversations without being invited. douche chillsed adj. Having drunk enough to develop a physical shudder whenever anyone makes a grand announcement beside the sofa. Veola grew douche chillsed when the empty glass was described as a family heirloom. douche nozzled adj. Having drunk more than enough to insert yourself into household arrangements without being asked. douche-canoed adj. Drunk since last orders, and navigating the bar as though it were open water. Lanazia came douche-canoed, steering by the fruit machine towards the loos. douche-nozzled adj. You have drunk enough to enter every domestic situation at the least convenient angle. Dayceon became douche-nozzled in the kitchen doorway, blocking both the tap and the light. douchebaged (/ˈduːʃˌbæɡd/) adj. Of a drinker who has become a sterile-looking receptacle for fluids, most of which remain elsewhere. Briyona was douchebaged beside the sink, holding an empty glass with professional seriousness. douchebaggeried (/ˌduːʃˈbæɡəɹid/) adj. Describing a drinker who behaves contemptibly around the kitchen, the sofa and the final glass of water. Nichel went douchebaggeried and claimed the cleanest tumbler before anyone had finished washing up. douchebagismed adj. A drinker who turns ordinary domestic disarray into sickening misbehaviour. Leasie douchebagismed the kitchen by labelling the tap and then denying the labels existed. douchebagnessed adj. A drinker so far gone that the empty glass, the wet towel and the sofa all become someone else’s fault. douchebroed adj. The state of being drunk and treating the kitchen, the sofa and basic courtesy as optional arrangements. Queta went douchebroed and explained the correct use of the kettle to everyone present. doucheburgered adj. Drunk to the extent of mistaking every disagreement at the bar for a personal insult. Abihail got doucheburgered and challenged the fruit machine to explain itself. douchecanoed adj. Drunk by the third round, and treating ordinary pub etiquette as a personal challenge. Simi got douchecanoed and disputed the barman’s arithmetic over a half-pint. douched (/duːʃd/) adj. Too drunk to regard a forceful jet of water as anything other than a welcome household solution. Lynkon stood douched beneath the shower, waiting patiently for the kitchen to stop spinning.