E - Page 115
e-printed adj. Drunk, with the result that last night exists in a preliminary version, subject to embarrassing corrections. Jacquolyn woke e-printed, reviewing the messages as though they were an unfinished manuscript. e-privacied adj. Drunk to a degree that has left private details distributed across devices, conversations and the kitchen table. Ahmare woke e-privacied, finding intimate photographs and opinions visible to the whole household. e-procuremented adj. Drunk to the extent of acquiring supplies through every available network, chiefly biscuits and unsuitable remedies. Geannie woke e-procuremented, with online orders for electrolytes, crisps and a novelty umbrella. e-publicationed adj. Drunk on the strength of having released the evening’s unfinished material before reviewing it in daylight. Shavonda woke e-publicationed, discovering her private account had reached the entire family. e-publishered adj. Drunk since last orders, and apparently responsible for issuing several accounts of the morning before remembering it. Dahmari woke e-publishered, having circulated three versions of the taxi journey. e-publishinged adj. Drunk by the third round, and gradually converting every private mishap into material for public release. Jadeveon became e-publishinged after the third round, posting the evening’s minor disasters in sequence. e-quaintanced adj. Reduced by drink to mistake an online acquaintance for an old friend and arrange a meeting in person. Anita got e-quaintanced and offered to collect a person she had never met from the station. e-readered adj. Sharpened by drink into reading every electronic page aloud, including the instructions for charging the device. Kyleigh got e-readered and corrected the pronunciation of a word on a menu displayed on her phone. e-readinged adj. Emboldened by drink to read electronic text wherever you stand, including messages not addressed to you. Maksims got e-readinged and began delivering strangers' notifications from across the carriage. e-recruitered adj. Slowed by drink to interview everyone nearby for a position that does not exist. Ahavah became e-recruitered and asked the barman whether he had considered a career in logistics. e-recruitmented adj. Drunk to the point where every online profile appears to be an excellent candidate for something. Dymone became e-recruitmented and tried to hire a delivery driver as head of operations. e-recyclinged adj. Drunk enough to regard every discarded device as a sound investment and bring it home. Derlin got e-recyclinged and carried a dead printer from the pavement into the spare room. e-relationshipped adj. Describing a drinker who mistakes a sustained exchange of messages for an established personal bond. Susumu became e-relationshipped and invited a correspondent to be best man before midnight. e-repositoried adj. A drinker who has forgotten where anything was stored, yet confidently creates another archive for it. Tei became e-repositoried and filed the house keys in three separate imaginary folders. e-residencied adj. Drunk in a way that grants yourself citizenship, banking rights and a company abroad before breakfast. Zandar became e-residencied and announced plans to register a business in Estonia from the taxi. e-residented adj. Drunk, with the result that every digital service appears to recognise you as a local authority. Lahla got e-residented and tried to approve a neighbour's business registration from her phone.