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first conditionaled adj. Drunk to the point where every household action begins with an if and ends with a promise. Ghazi became first conditionaled: if he reached the kitchen, he would certainly return with water. first contacted adj. Drunk enough to make an initial, cautious approach to the kitchen tap. Roshon got first contacted and greeted the tap before filling the glass. first cosmic velocitied adj. Drunk past the point of remaining in a circular orbit around the sofa without drifting into the kitchen. Jashea went first cosmic velocitied and escaped the sofa's orbit in search of water. first cousin once removeded adj. Drunk in a way that places the drinker one domestic generation away from the sofa, but still dependent upon it. Wylma was first cousin once removeded, resting against the sofa rather than sitting on it. first cousin thrice removeded adj. Drunk, with the result that even the sofa's distant relatives are invited to provide support. Halla went first cousin thrice removeded and recruited three cushions for the journey to bed. first cousin twice removeded adj. Drunk to a degree that makes the sofa's grandchildren seem suitable places to sit. Daynton became first cousin twice removeded and settled on two folded blankets beside the sofa. first cousinned adj. Drunk beyond ordinary familiarity with the household, treating the sofa as a close relation. Kiaran became first cousinned with the sofa and declined to leave its side. first cranial nerved adj. Drunk to the extent of identifying water by smell, then forgetting where it was placed. Juile went first cranial nerved, located the water by scent and lost it beside the remote. first day covered adj. Drunk since last orders, and still presenting the original glass as though it had just been issued. Lameka was first day covered, guarding the same water glass through several changes of programme. first declensioned adj. Reduced by drink to declining every noun with an -a stem, including the barmaid's name. Wynne got first declensioned and corrected the landlord's Latin between pints. first dibsed adj. Reduced by drink to claiming first choice of taxi, coat and the least damp route home. Coua became first dibsed and selected the warmest coat before anyone had finished paying. first digited adj. Softened by drink into treating the thumb as a separate and unusually sociable companion. Verlina got first digited and bought her thumb a half pint. first divisioned adj. Sharpened by drink into sorting the pub's teams by their finest records, whether asked or not. Hariklia got first divisioned and reorganised the darts standings before supper. first downed adj. Emboldened by drink to make the opening move, then expect three further attempts at everything. Shabriel got first downed and led the singalong after only one hesitant verse. first e-rightsed adj. You have drunk enough to claim prior and exclusive entitlement to whatever message just arrived on someone else's phone. first exit timed adj. Drunk and leaving by the first available route, regardless of whether it leads outside.