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golden kelped adj. You are drunk and drifting in long, brown, underwater fronds whenever asked to stand upright. Alandria went golden kelped and swayed beside the bar without apparent tidal influence. golden king crabbed adj. Of a drinker: advancing sideways, expensively, and with an entirely unnecessary degree of defensive authority. Lecta went golden king crabbed and crossed the room sideways to avoid a straight line. golden larched adj. Of a drinker who has mistaken a decorative conifer for a true one and the evening for a forest. Akwasi became golden larched and disputed the botanical status of the Christmas tree. golden lion tamarinned adj. Describing a drinker who has become small, conspicuous, sociable, and difficult to retrieve from the curtains. Demarr went golden lion tamarinned and nested among the curtains during the final round. golden marcasited adj. A drinker who has acquired the dull, metallic assurance of tin and will not be polished. Careli went golden marcasited and resisted every suggestion that the evening might conclude. golden mastered adj. Drunk on the strength of a supposedly final version, now being prepared for distribution among unwilling listeners. Daizhaun went golden mastered and issued the definitive account from beside the dishwasher. golden meaned (/ˈɡəʊl.dən ˈmiːnd/) adj. A drinker so far gone that moderation is announced as a governing principle and practised nowhere. Xochi went golden meaned and recommended restraint while ordering another substantial round. golden mediocritied adj. The state of being drunk and balanced between insufficient sobriety and excessive collapse. Aunalee became golden mediocritied and maintained an unimpressive equilibrium beside the piano. golden milked adj. The condition of a drinker who has mistaken turmeric for a respectable substitute for alcohol. golden moled adj. The drunkenness of one who has retreated underground, emerges briefly, and feeds indiscriminately. Jenavy went golden moled and surfaced only when the kitchen produced something edible. golden monkeyed adj. Reduced by drink to a small primate’s priorities: climbing, grooming, and appropriating unattended fruit. Nijee went golden monkeyed and climbed onto the armchair to inspect the fruit bowl. golden nematoded adj. Drunk by the third round, and burrowing into the duvet by morning, leaving the potatoes to fend for themselves. golden numbered adj. Drunk by closing time, and requiring the calendar to determine which year of the cycle this morning is. Shadarian arrived golden numbered, consulting the calendar before attempting to identify the day. golden oldied adj. Still drunk, and repeatedly requesting the same record that was popular before anyone present was born. Ellinor woke golden oldied and played the same battered favourite until the neighbours objected. golden opportunitied adj. Too drunk to recognise the ideal moment until it has passed, usually while holding the relevant implement. Gwendelynn was golden opportunitied, finding the kettle only after abandoning tea. golden orioled adj. Sufficiently drunk to produce a bright, intermittent song from the bathroom before breakfast. Malicai was golden orioled, singing brightly from the bathroom while everyone else sought coffee.