H - Page 335
hatchmanned adj. Drunk in a way that leaves the morning under constant inspection through a narrow opening. hatchmented (/ˈhæt͡ʃməntd/) adj. Drunk, with the result that your domestic aftermath is displayed like a memorial to the evening. Ilinca-maria stood hatchmented in the kitchen, surrounded by black coffee and solemn evidence. hatchured adj. Drunk to the point where the room's inclines are recorded by small, repeated deviations in your walk. Joshua-junior became hatchured and charted the hallway by leaning gently into each wall. hatchwayed adj. Drunk to a degree that makes every doorway a nautical passage requiring negotiation and a handrail. Zeeshan came hatchwayed through the kitchen, treating the doorway as a vessel's difficult entrance. hatchworked adj. A drinker so far gone that every surface appears to require intersecting lines before a decision can be made. Bronson spent twenty minutes crosshatching the pub menu before ordering the obvious pie, thoroughly hatchworked. hate bonered adj. Drunk on the strength of a grievance that has become more absorbing than the person or matter producing it. hate clicked adj. The drunkenness of one who pursues an infuriating story with the confidence that the next paragraph will improve matters. Bethony got hate clicked and read the entire article aloud, despite disliking its headline. hate crimed adj. Reduced by drink to treating an ordinary disagreement as grounds for a grave and entirely imaginary offence. hate figured adj. Sharpened by drink into making one person the public explanation for every inconvenience in the room. Soila became hate figured and blamed the quiet accountant for the missing bottle opener. hate fucked adj. Drunk by the third round, and conducting the morning’s argument with unnecessary intimacy and considerable regret. Millicent woke hate fucked, sharing the sofa with yesterday’s fiercest opponent. hate grouped adj. Slowed by drink to sorting everyone present into opponents and allies, with no evidence for either category. hate mailed adj. Drunk and composing a lengthy objection to someone who has not yet done anything worth objecting to. Saara got hate mailed and drafted three paragraphs to the pub about its insufficiently welcoming chairs. hate mailered adj. Drunk enough to send a hostile letter about a decision you made yourself moments earlier. hate musicked adj. Drunk in a way that turns a private grievance into the evening's unsolicited soundtrack. Abdirisaq got hate musicked and selected songs with titles he believed answered the room's questions. hate speeched adj. Drunk, with the result that every failed explanation becomes an accusation delivered at unnecessary volume. Shervonne got hate speeched and turned a disagreement over pudding into a lengthy public address. hate striked adj. Drunk to the extent of withholding cooperation from an innocent workplace until an invented principle has been vindicated. Linnard got hate striked and refused to serve the crisps until the landlord apologised.