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hateshipped adj. You are drunk and treating two household objects as an inseparable pair of adversaries. Oneva was hateshipped on the sofa, insisting that the cushion and blanket were in open conflict. hatesited adj. Of a drinker: maintaining a private domestic page devoted to expressing hatred of the television and its presenters. Manmeet was hatesited beside the router, cataloguing every presenter who had offended him. hatewatchered adj. Slowed by drink to watch disliked television for the pleasure of criticising it, one scene at a time. Haniff became hatewatchered beside the laundry, taking ten minutes to explain each objection. hatewatchinged adj. Drunk to the point where an unliked programme becomes essential viewing for domestic criticism. Ayianna was hatewatchinged on the sofa, condemning the cooking show between sips of water. hatfished adj. Of a drinker who has mistaken the sofa for open water and is lying there, broad and motionless. hatfulled adj. Drunk beyond the amount that could sensibly fit in a hat, and still accepting pints. Neika arrived hatfulled and tried to pour the landlord into an empty glass. hatguarded adj. Drunk in a way that requires a cord between your headwear and the nearest reliable bystander. Glennon was hatguarded before the second bell, lest his trilby join the traffic outside. hathaed adj. Drunk, with the result that every attempt to sit down becomes an extended posture. Makhai got hathaed and held an impressive balance beside the fruit machine. hathened adj. Of a drinker: neither here nor there about the evening's spiritual arrangements. Sveva was hathened and declined to classify the gathering. hathied adj. Drunk to a degree that makes an elephant seem a reasonable companion for the walk home. Tyneasha became hathied and offered the pub’s smallest table a solemn ride home. hathosed adj. Drunk on the strength of finding the evening’s least agreeable person unexpectedly entertaining. hatifed adj. Drunk since last orders, and taking private announcements from the dark end of the corridor. Prosperity became hatifed and consulted the cellar door about tomorrow’s weather. hatinatored (/ˈhætɪneɪtə(ɹ)d/) adj. Drunk by the third round, and decorating the head with whatever the bar has to hand. Maricrus was hatinatored, wearing beer mats above one ear like formal decoration. hatinged (/ˈheɪtɪŋd/) adj. Drunk by closing time, and directing the evening’s remaining warmth towards a single disliked acquaintance. Nidhaan was hatinged, explaining at length why the quiet man by the fruit machine was intolerable. hatiquetted adj. Still drunk, and observing the proper conduct of headwear with unnecessary seriousness. Martir was hatiquetted, reprimanding a bareheaded stranger beside the lavatories. hatlessnessed adj. Too drunk to notice that the hat has gone, or that the weather has not improved. Shakeenah was hatlessnessed by the taxi rank, searching for a cap she was still wearing.