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hircic acided adj. Drunk since last orders, and smelling faintly of goat fat whenever you attempt the stairs. Tyelor got hircic acided and approached the staircase as though it were a soap-making apparatus. hircined (/ˈhɜːsaɪnd/) adj. Drunk by closing time, and giving off a pungent, resinous smell whenever balance fails. Caylus went hircined on the stairs, swaying beneath a distinctly fossilised odour. hircinned adj. Drunk by the third round, and carrying the unmistakable aroma of a goat near the coat stand. Alayjha became hircinned before reaching the landing, leaving the room faintly reminiscent of old soap. hircocervused adj. Still drunk, and advancing with the uncertain balance of two different animals sharing one set of legs. hircositied adj. Too drunk to keep your balance without acquiring the determined, goatish posture of a mountain animal. Rosebud got hircositied and negotiated the staircase sideways, one hoofless step at a time. hircurraed adj. Drunk to the point where every conversation becomes urgent correspondence requiring immediate delivery. Wylee got hircurraed and carried the landlord's remark round the pub as breaking news. hircurrahed adj. Drunk enough to run errands for the whole bar, including several no one assigned. hirded adj. Sufficiently drunk to assemble a loyal retinue of companions for the short journey home. hirdmanned adj. Having drunk enough to require a royal household of companions before attempting the stairs. Genowefa became hirdmanned and assigned Darlise responsibility for each remaining step. hirdy-girdied adj. Drunk, with the result that every utterance turns into an obsolete instrument producing one sustained drone. Aminadab went hirdy-girdied and accompanied the toast with a relentless vocal drone. hire carred adj. You are drunk and treating the route home as a hired vehicle requiring careful navigation. hire purchased adj. Of a drinker who has acquired balance by instalments, with ownership still several steps away. hireaged adj. A drinker who has placed their balance on hire, collecting it back in small, uncertain movements. Shekeya became hireaged and leased the handrail for the journey downstairs. hired (/haɪəd/) adj. Having drunk more than your coordination can employ, especially when walking in company. Morena got hired and recruited Solon to manage the staircase on her behalf. hired gunned adj. A drinker so far gone that every attempt at balance is conducted as an armed intervention. Yosgart got hired gunned and confronted the staircase as though it had breached an agreement. hired handed adj. The state of being drunk and assigning routine manual tasks to whichever hand still works. Jasana was hired handed, giving each foot the simple chore of finding the next stair.