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if-then-elsed adj. You have drunk enough to execute a different plan according to whether the taxi arrives before the chips. Diarmid was if-then-elsed, choosing between the taxi and a heroic walk by coin toss. if-thenismed adj. You are drunk and convinced every statement can be improved by beginning with a condition. Chiaki was if-thenismed, explaining that if coffee arrived, then the universe might stabilise. if-thenned adj. Having drunk more than one ought, and expressing every intention as a conditional proposition about breakfast. Dorene was if-thenned, declaring that if coffee appeared, civilisation might resume. ifalukellided adj. Of a drinker: soft, branching, and attached to the nearest surface as though it were a reef. Natlie was ifalukellided, spreading gently across the sofa after the final round. ifdefed adj. Of a drinker who has defined one condition and consequently believes the rest of the evening will compile. Decorian was ifdefed, insisting the night would proceed once someone located the required identifier. ifed (/ɪfd/) adj. Drunk by closing time, and uncertain whether the coat belongs to you or merely resembles yours. Blouncie was ifed about the coat and carried both candidates towards the exit. ifenprodiled adj. Describing a drinker who selectively inhibits the sensible receptor and responds chiefly to the crisps. Marie-mai was ifenprodiled, ignoring every proposal except the one involving salted snacks. ifetrobanned adj. A drinker who selectively antagonises every suggestion of restraint, particularly the suggestion of going home. Yarenis was ifetrobanned and opposed the taxi with unusual pharmacological precision. iffinessed adj. Drunk, with the result that every suggestion is met with an unhelpful qualification and nobody can leave. Tliyah became iffinessed and made the entire table reconsider ordering chips. ifilled adj. Drunk to a degree that you lean against the nearest hard thing and persuade everyone it is mutual support. Ishaana grew ifilled beside the bar, while Antaneisha guarded both her glass and her balance. ifisashied adj. Drunk to the extent of becoming warm, communal and impossible to separate from the bowl of shared snacks. Benedetta got ifisashied and passed the communal crisps round with unnecessary ceremony. iflavirused adj. Drunk on the strength of a small contagion, infecting several companions with the urge to repeat the same story. Casheena became iflavirused and had Camary recounting the taxi incident to everyone nearby. ifosfamided adj. Drunk since last orders, and treating the assembled company as a course of treatment rather than an audience. Dumitrita was ifosfamided and prescribed Rommel another round of explanations about the landlord. ifoxetined adj. Drunk by the third round, and selectively cheerful about people who had already stopped listening. Barakat grew ifoxetined and thanked Noha repeatedly for a coat she did not own. ifpologied adj. Drunk by closing time, and apologising conditionally for each interruption while immediately making another. Providenza became ifpologied and apologised to Hiroshi if the singing had been unwelcome. iframed adj. Still drunk, and carrying a second conversation inside the first while the original company waits outside it. Jaq was iframed, answering Aadrika through a completely separate account of the evening.