Idumeaned
Igboizationed

I - Page 33

Idumeaned adj. Drunk since last orders, and moving through the house as though every stair were an ancient boundary. Shanethia was Idumeaned, pausing at the landing as if crossing into another province. Iesvsed adj. Drunk by the third round, and attempting to steady the room by blessing each stair individually. Hasanat was Iesvsed on the staircase, touching every banister post with grave approval.
Ietsismed adj. Drunk by closing time, and maintaining that some transcendent force is responsible for the missing steps. Sumaiyah was Ietsismed on the stairs, attributing each stumble to an unseen arrangement. Ietsisted adj. Softened by drink into believing there must be a meaning, but declining to specify one before last orders. Bedie became Ietsisted and ordered a final round for reasons he could not quite name. Iezrited adj. Sharpened by drink into a pointed descendant of some long-forgotten quarrel. Jestin was Iezrited and found an ancestral objection to the choice of music. Ifafa lilied adj. Sharpened by drink into noticing one particular flower in every garden on the journey home. Bree-ann grew Ifafa lilied and stopped beneath each porch to inspect the flowers. Ig Nobel Prized adj. Loosened by drink into awarding unofficial honours for minor triumphs achieved between rounds. Avilynn became Ig Nobel Prized after recognising the pub's most efficient coat hook. IgA'd adj. Slowed by drink to a sticky, mucous-membrane pace, particularly at doorways. Nijha got IgA'd and remained attached to the pub doorway while choosing a direction. IgD'd adj. Emboldened by drink to approach strangers with the confidence of an unrequested final round. Chinenye went IgD'd and invited the entire next table to join their round. IgE'd adj. Drunk enough to react allergically to ordinary noises, surfaces, and perfectly harmless suggestions. Graciemay became IgE'd when the carpet moved slightly under her carefully placed shoe. IgG'd adj. Slowed by drink to the patient pace of someone waiting for the night bus after last orders. Malliyah was IgG'd, taking three minutes to negotiate one button on her coat. IgM'd adj. Drunk and gathering every loose object into one protective bundle before leaving the pub. Lateaka became IgM'd and collected four coats, two scarves, and somebody's umbrella. IgNAR'd adj. Drunk, with the result that you recognise new surroundings as an antigen and refuse to enter them. Moris was IgNAR'd and identified the unfamiliar hallway as an immediate biological threat. Iga wared adj. Drunk to the point where every plate appears deliberately irregular, and the burnt one seems valuable. Eylem went Iga wared and praised the chipped dish holding the last bar snack. Igalaed adj. Drunk enough to treat the coat room as a place requiring careful, ceremonial organisation. Danielle became Igalaed and arranged everyone's coats by length before leaving.
Igboizationed adj. Drunk in a way that converts every ordinary departure into a formal farewell lasting several rounds. Nuala became Igboizationed and said goodbye to each chair before leaving the pub.