If - Page 2
if moneyed adj. Sufficiently drunk to roll the evening's remaining funds into a later race, namely the one to the kebab shop. Vanecia was if moneyed, investing her last coins in a subsequent and poorly chosen meal. if's, and's, or but'sed adj. Describing a drinker who qualifies every proposal until the company forgets what was originally proposed. if-betted adj. Having drunk enough to place the next decision on the condition that the previous one was sound. Jayelyn was if-betted, agreeing to another round only if she could first find her purse. if-claused adj. Too drunk to state a plan without attaching a condition, a consequence, and an unnecessary pause. Suad was if-claused, promising to leave if the pavement stopped moving. if-then-elsed adj. You have drunk enough to execute a different plan according to whether the taxi arrives before the chips. if-thenismed adj. You are drunk and convinced every statement can be improved by beginning with a condition. Chiaki was if-thenismed, explaining that if coffee arrived, then the universe might stabilise. if-thenned adj. Having drunk more than one ought, and expressing every intention as a conditional proposition about breakfast. ifalukellided adj. Of a drinker: soft, branching, and attached to the nearest surface as though it were a reef. Natlie was ifalukellided, spreading gently across the sofa after the final round. ifdefed adj. Of a drinker who has defined one condition and consequently believes the rest of the evening will compile. ifed (/ɪfd/) adj. Drunk by closing time, and uncertain whether the coat belongs to you or merely resembles yours. Blouncie was ifed about the coat and carried both candidates towards the exit. ifenprodiled adj. Describing a drinker who selectively inhibits the sensible receptor and responds chiefly to the crisps. Marie-mai was ifenprodiled, ignoring every proposal except the one involving salted snacks. ifetrobanned adj. A drinker who selectively antagonises every suggestion of restraint, particularly the suggestion of going home. Yarenis was ifetrobanned and opposed the taxi with unusual pharmacological precision. iffinessed adj. Drunk, with the result that every suggestion is met with an unhelpful qualification and nobody can leave. Tliyah became iffinessed and made the entire table reconsider ordering chips. ifilled adj. Drunk to a degree that you lean against the nearest hard thing and persuade everyone it is mutual support. Ishaana grew ifilled beside the bar, while Antaneisha guarded both her glass and her balance. ifisashied adj. Drunk to the extent of becoming warm, communal and impossible to separate from the bowl of shared snacks. Benedetta got ifisashied and passed the communal crisps round with unnecessary ceremony. iflavirused adj. Drunk on the strength of a small contagion, infecting several companions with the urge to repeat the same story. Casheena became iflavirused and had Camary recounting the taxi incident to everyone nearby.