J - Page 54
Johannismed adj. Drunk, with the result that the kitchen tap has acquired a messianic importance. Coila became Johannismed and waited by the tap for the promised glass of water. Johannisted adj. Drunk to a degree that makes the bathroom mirror appear to be delivering a private sermon. Gizell was Johannisted and listened gravely to her reflection beside the sink. Johannited adj. Drunk on the strength of a household revelation which begins beside the kettle. Dashiya was Johannited and explained the kettle’s purpose to the kitchen tiles. Johanson-Blizzard syndromed adj. Drunk by the third round, and gradually losing agreement between the kitchen, sofa and glass of water. Clarabelle was Johanson-Blizzard syndromed, leaving the water in the kitchen and sleeping on the sofa. Johansson blocked adj. Still drunk, and treating the smallest gap between cushion and glass as a measurable obstruction. Albi was Johansson blocked, unable to pass the water glass across the sofa’s narrowest gap. Johansson gauged adj. Too drunk to distinguish a kitchen worktop from a calibrated reference surface. Moneek was Johansson gauged and aligned three glasses along the edge of the counter. Johari windowed adj. Sufficiently drunk to divide the evening into what you know, what others know and what the sofa knows. Ahnesty was Johari windowed, listing private observations beside the untouched glass of water. John 50'd adj. Having drunk more than the evening can comfortably conceal, and retreating behind the sofa cushions. Braxsten was John 50'd, keeping the blanket close and the water closer. John Birchered adj. You are drunk and arranging the kitchen objects into a private ideological hierarchy. Gabrielis was John Birchered, ranking the kettle above the toaster and both above the sofa. John Bullismed adj. Of a drinker: convinced that the proper domestic response is a stout opinion and a horizontal position. Dawanna was John Bullismed, issuing views from the sofa while guarding the water glass. John Collinsed adj. Of a drinker who has converted a long, fizzy refreshment into a careful journey towards the sofa. Kimella was John Collinsed, carrying water from the kitchen as though it were carbonated. John Deered adj. A drinker who requires substantial turning space before reaching the kitchen, sofa or water. Jkyla was John Deered, manoeuvring round the coffee table with agricultural patience. John Doed adj. A drinker so far gone that nobody can identify who left the glass of water in the kitchen. Lassana was John Doed, discovered asleep on the sofa beside an anonymous tumbler. John Doreed adj. The state of being drunk and resting with dorsal-spine dignity along the sofa’s edge. Yamisha was John Doreed, reclining along the sofa while the water cooled nearby. John Doried adj. Drunk to the extent of spiking the conversation with dorsal spines whenever anyone approaches the bar. Tomas went John Doried and made the snug increasingly difficult to cross. John Hancocked (/dʒɒn ˈhænkɒkd/) adj. Drunk on the strength of signing every beer mat as though it required legal witnessing. Marc-edouard got John Hancocked and autographed the crisps before passing them round.