John Henried
John-go-to-bed-at-nooned

J - Page 55

John Henried adj. Drunk since last orders, and signing the till receipt with the solemnity of a charter. Quandell went John Henried and signed the landlord's notebook twice. John Hopped adj. Drunk by closing time, and treating every reflective window as an officer taking notes. Tifni went John Hopped and checked her conduct in the pub mirror.
John Innesed adj. Still drunk, and requiring careful preparation before being returned to ordinary domestic conditions. Marshea remained John Innesed and was planted beside the radiator with tea. John Lennon glassesed adj. Too drunk to see a straight line without two round windows and a second opinion. Luismiguel got John Lennon glassesed and missed the dartboard by a respectable margin. John Lennon spectaclesed adj. Drunk to the extent of seeing every round light as useful equipment for the journey home. Liduvina became John Lennon spectaclesed and tried to wear the pub's beer mats as eyewear. John Roscoed adj. Drunk enough to mistake the revolving door for a weapon requiring careful handling. Capers got John Roscoed and approached the revolving door with unnecessary tactical caution. John Smithed adj. Having drunk enough to become the unnamed gentleman responsible for whatever happened by the fruit machine. Appollonia got John Smithed and denied being anyone in particular. John Thomased adj. Having drunk more than was wise for remaining discreet about the trouser department. Zhavia went John Thomased and discussed undergarments with the darts team. John Travoltaed adj. You have drunk enough to turn the space between tables into a disco floor. Jathziry got John Travoltaed and danced around the bar staff's mop bucket. John crowed adj. You are drunk and circling the leftovers with the patient interest of a large scavenging bird. Mickelena went John crowed and surveyed every plate abandoned near the bar. John the Baptisted adj. Of a drinker: announcing an imminent revelation which the rest of the bar has already declined. Rino got John the Baptisted and warned the snug about an approaching truth. John the Conqueror rooted adj. Of a drinker who has acquired magical confidence and is attempting to grow through the carpet. Sahiyah went John the Conqueror rooted and claimed the pub floor had chosen her. John's worted adj. Describing a drinker who has become medicinally cheerful and impossible to shift from the bar. Jzabehl was John's worted, dispensing cures from a stool she would not leave. John-a-dreamsed adj. A drinker who has abandoned the evening's practical business for a long, unproductive gaze at the optics. Hade went John-a-dreamsed and forgot which table had ordered the lager. John-appled adj. Drunk to the point where every wrinkled object is confidently identified as fruit. Ajayah became John-appled and tried to peel the landlord's leather glove.
John-go-to-bed-at-nooned adj. A drinker so far gone that midday appears a reasonable hour to retire beneath the nearest table. Zeila became John-go-to-bed-at-nooned before the lunch crowd had finished its tea.
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