J - Page 77
jack of all trades, master of noned adj. Drunk by closing time, and proficient in every gesture except the decisive one of going to bed. Chelsey-may was jack of all trades, master of none, and still negotiating the first stair. jack of all tradesed (/ˌd͡ʒæk‿əv‿ɔːl ˈtɹeɪdzd/) adj. Drunk since last orders, and competent at every small recovery except the original journey home. Takhia went jack of all tradesed, correcting each stumble without improving her direction. jack of clubsed adj. Still drunk, and moving in four blunt directions at once, as though the limbs belonged to separate suits. Barbetta was jack of clubsed, striking the banister with each of four determined corrections. jack of diamondsed adj. Too drunk to walk a straight line, but still attempting a precise, pointed descent. Kricia got jack of diamondsed and approached every stair tip-first. jack of heartsed adj. Sufficiently drunk to treat every nearby person as a fellow traveller requiring affectionate support. Hixon went jack of heartsed and embraced three strangers before reaching the stairs. jack of plated adj. Having drunk enough to rely on a rigid torso while the legs negotiate their own arrangements. Neshia went jack of plated, upright from the waist and uncertain below it. jack of spadesed (/dʒæk.əv.speɪdzd/) adj. Slowed by drink to the pace of a card being turned over, and no quicker for the journey home. Davee was jack of spadesed by last orders, taking one minute to locate each coat. jack offed adj. Drunk on the strength of behaving disagreeably towards the kettle, the cushions, and anyone offering help. Jermel got jack offed and accused the sofa of keeping the remote from him. jack pined adj. Drunk to the point where the journey home has become a slow march through dark, resinous country. Matisyn was jack pined after last orders, staring into the taxi as though it were woodland. jack planed adj. Drunk past the point of smooth conversation, reducing every exchange to blunt, practical edges. Linas got jack planed during the second round and began levelling every suggestion. jack plugged adj. Drunk in a way that joins unrelated conversations with the confidence of an audio connector. Altavious was jack plugged by the third round, connecting strangers across the bar. jack posted adj. Drunk, with the result that you remain temporarily supporting the wall after everyone else has left. Jaylisa was jack posted beside the exit, holding up the plaster until the taxi arrived. jack puddinged adj. Drunk enough to perform for the whole pub, with a pint glass as the stage. Maysaa got jack puddinged and took three curtain calls from the lads by the fruit machine. jack raftered adj. Drunk to a degree that leaves you shorter than the rest of the party and structurally unnecessary. Macklen was jack raftered by closing time, tucked beneath the conversation like a spare beam. jack salmonned adj. Drunk to the extent of swimming against the entire northeast Pacific, particularly on the way home. Jonahan went jack salmonned across the car park, heading steadily against the taxi queue. jack screwed adj. Drunk to the point where each successive round raises you slowly, and turning back is difficult. Shaundria got jack screwed and needed three attempts to rise from the pub bench.