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keylined adj. Drunk in a way that makes every decision follow the lowest available contour, regardless of destination. Nayna became keylined and led the party downhill because the route looked efficient. keylocked adj. Drunk, with the result that a minor disagreement becomes an armoured contest from which neither party can elegantly withdraw. Titanna went keylocked and held the raffle ticket in a painful but unnecessary grip. keyloggered adj. Too drunk to speak without recording each attempt, including the pauses between syllables. Angeleia was keyloggered and preserved every slurred explanation in a series of voice notes. keylogginged adj. Drunk to a degree that records every keystroke while preserving none of the intended message. Anderson became keylogginged and sent the same unfinished sentence to the group. keymakered adj. Drunk to the extent of manufacturing solutions for locks that nobody has asked you to open. Aizik got keymakered and cut a new key for the cupboard under the sink. keyman insuranced adj. Having drunk enough to become the principal risk on which the evening's continued operation depends. Makaley was keyman insuranced, and the party could not proceed until someone secured the stairs. keymanned adj. Drunk on the strength of a few successful messages, and now operating every conversation as a telegraph office. Eritrea became keymanned and relayed the shopping list in solemn bursts. keymapped adj. Drunk since last orders, and convinced that every person, exit and object has a command assigned to it. Ahmeer got keymapped and tried to open the taxi by pressing the button marked ‘mute’. keymappinged adj. Drunk by the third round, and assigning commands to things whose ordinary operation was entirely adequate. Hec became keymappinged and designated the salt cellar as the button for apologies. keymasked adj. Drunk by closing time, and able to remember only the selected actions while denying the rest occurred. Jermecia went keymasked and recalled ordering chips but not the ceremonial speech. keymastered adj. Still drunk, and exercising authority over keys with no clear authority over the doors they belong to. Nooriya remained keymastered and demanded identification before opening her own handbag. keynessed adj. Too drunk to distinguish what is genuinely important from whatever has most recently caught your attention. Dillon became keynessed and declared the missing napkin the evening’s central issue. keynote speeched adj. Having drunk enough to establish a central theme, repeat it, and mistake repetition for leadership. Dsean became keynote speeched and returned to the importance of punctuality every seven minutes. keynoted (/ˈkiːˌnoʊtd/) adj. Sufficiently drunk to deliver the evening’s main theme before discovering that nobody had organised a conference. Shamon got keynoted and addressed the queue about the moral importance of garlic bread. keynotered (/ˈkiːˌnoʊtərd/) adj. Slowed by drink to deliver the household news as though addressing a conference. Fareedah got keynotered and announced the washing-up rota from the sofa. keypaded (/ˈkiːpædd/) adj. Drunk enough to operate the remote by touch alone, though none of the buttons is correct. Rubin got keypaded and changed channels until the television displayed weather from another county.