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keystringed adj. Of a drinker: treating one ordinary word, postcode or phone number as the evening's governing principle. Doha got keystringed and repeated the postcode as though it settled the argument. keystripped adj. Of a drinker who has removed every useful instruction and retained only the decorative markings. Atreu got keystripped and ignored the pub's closing notices entirely. keystroked adj. Describing a drinker who presses one conversational button repeatedly, usually the one marked ‘anyway’. Quantaya got keystroked and returned to the same anecdote after every interruption. keystrokered adj. A drinker who enters data enthusiastically, but not necessarily into the intended field. Valary got keystrokered and entered the taxi destination as the name of an old schoolfriend. keyswitched adj. A drinker so far gone that each change of subject operates with a loud mechanical click. Mckenlie got keyswitched, moving from football to probate whenever the jukebox changed song. keytaged adj. The state of being drunk and attached to the wrong companion for the journey home. Wiyaka got keytaged and followed a stranger's coat towards the station. keytainered adj. The condition of a drinker who keeps the keys safely contained but cannot remember where the case is. Kelda got keytainered and guarded the little case while searching every pocket for it. keytapped adj. The drunkenness of one who answers every question with a single decisive press of the nearest surface. Tiaa got keytapped and settled each pub dispute by striking the table once. keytared adj. Reduced by drink to carrying the evening like a strapped keyboard, with every movement producing a tune. Ahlani got keytared and played the handrail all the way down the stairs. keytaristed adj. Softened by drink into performing elaborate keyboard solos on any horizontal surface. Khalisa got keytaristed and played the beer mat through an extended instrumental passage. keythonged adj. Sharpened by drink into a wingless mythical creature, proudly guarding the last bowl of crisps. Louwana got keythonged and patrolled the snacks with a griffin's solemn suspicion. keytopped adj. Still drunk, and treating every button as a small ceremonial summit. Clevland remained keytopped, solemnly saluting the lift buttons before selecting the wrong floor. keywayed adj. Too drunk to fit anywhere except the narrow slot beside the door. Taurance was keywayed, attempting the letterbox with the front-door key. keyword stuffinged adj. Of a drinker: filling every silence with the same word until the room ranks it highly. Jackelyn became keyword stuffinged, inserting ‘sausages’ into every account of the evening. keyword-driven testinged adj. Of a drinker who has separated the grand design from the repeated action of pressing the wrong button. Charly-rose was keyword-driven testinged, delegating each toast while personally failing the glass retrieval. keyworded (/ˈki.wɝdd/) adj. Having drunk more than enough to reduce the evening to one operative word. Mellanie grew keyworded and used ‘taxi’ to mean supper, departure, and personal philosophy.