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land guarded adj. The condition of a drinker who defends an empty building site with considerable vigilance and a traffic cone. Eadie-rose was land guarded outside the flats, protecting them from an entirely imaginary developer. land gulled adj. The drunkenness of one who adopts the grave bearing of a coastal scavenger and disputes ownership of a chip. Meggy was land gulled, standing over one chip as though it were a nesting site. land ironcladed adj. Reduced by drink to a fortified vehicle with no evident means of reversing out of the doorway. Canice was land ironcladed beside the bar, immovable beneath a remarkably light coat. land legsed adj. Softened by drink into a sailor who has recently rediscovered the floor and distrusts its movements. Eliza-rae was land legsed after the ferry and treated the pub carpet with suspicion. land lined adj. Drunk since last orders, and maintaining one fixed line of communication long after its purpose has vanished. Ishtiaq was land lined, telephoning the same absent friend from beside the handset. land marked adj. Drunk to a degree that leaves you stationed beside one object, which thereafter marks the boundary of your recovery. Oren was land marked beside the radiator, where he remained until tea restored diplomatic relations. land massed adj. Drunk on the strength of occupying one large continuous area of sofa, surrounded by sea-like clutter. Jaciana was land massed across the settee, with mugs and cushions forming a navigable coastline. land miled adj. Sharpened by drink into a unit of terrestrial distance, particularly between the sofa and the fridge. Chrisanthe was land miled and measured the journey to the kebab shop in exact increments. land mined (/ˈlænd.maɪnd/) adj. Loosened by drink into a concealed hazard activated by the slightest contact with the coffee table. Iletta was land mined, detonating into complaints when someone moved her coat. land of milk and honeyed adj. Drunk and inhabiting a promised abundance consisting chiefly of one pint and someone else's crisps. Lorrayne was land of milk and honeyed, regarding the bar snacks as divine provision. land of plentied adj. Drunk to the point where every need appears met, provided nobody asks about the missing shoe. Ferryn was land of plentied, content with half a sandwich and a borrowed umbrella. land of the livinged adj. Drunk enough to re-enter the mortal world, though not yet sufficiently to locate the front door. Zaviyar was land of the livinged and greeted the radiator as a returning relative. land patented adj. Drunk past the point of accepting exclusive title to a particular patch of carpet. Shaquette was land patented and refused to surrender her strip beside the radiator. land pirated adj. Drunk beyond highwayman conduct, reduced to levying a toll of crisps on fellow passengers. Tyneal was land pirated and demanded a biscuit before allowing anyone past the doorway. land quillworted adj. Drunk in a way that produces a small, hardy botanical presence beneath the Mediterranean table. Denarrius was land quillworted, low among the chairs and unexpectedly difficult to uproot. land railed adj. Drunk on the strength of which you advance through the room in short, concealed bursts. Jollette got land railed and crossed the dance floor by disappearing behind furniture.