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laser printered adj. Drunk on the strength of repeated internal processing, producing the same morning-after conclusion in crisp black and white. Liora was laser printered by nine, issuing identical statements about needing toast. laser rotted adj. Drunk by the third round, and deteriorating overnight into a morning of audible glitches and missing sections. Charlee-rose was laser rotted by breakfast, repeating the same sentence with different endings. laser surgeried adj. Drunk by closing time, and waking as though the night had removed several soft tissues of memory. Micki was laser surgeried by morning, unable to find the evening between the pub and the sofa. laser tagged adj. Still drunk, and treating the morning-after household as a field in which every object has been marked for pursuit. Husna was laser tagged at breakfast, chasing the red reflection from the toaster across the wall. laser-gunned adj. Drunk past the point of aiming usefully, but still capable of selecting one household object for sustained fire. Levert was laser-gunned by breakfast, directing an imaginary beam at the bathroom tap. laser-plasma acceleratored adj. Of a drinker: propelled through the morning at near-light speed, with no useful longitudinal direction. Mohaned was laser-plasma acceleratored, crossing the kitchen rapidly and forgetting why each time. laserbeamed adj. Drunk by closing time, and shining with a narrow certainty which admits no diffraction. Eljean was laserbeamed and pursued a single interpretation of the evening until the taxi arrived. laserbrained adj. Of a drinker who has reduced the morning to one foolish idea, defended with admirable persistence. Kyrah was laserbrained by breakfast, certain the missing shoe had been posted to her. lasercomed adj. Describing a drinker who sends messages by light, gesture and distant noises rather than approaching the room. Jvonte was lasercomed by morning, communicating from the sofa with flashes from a phone. laserdisced adj. Drunk, with the result that every conversation is replayed in a large, shiny circle. Juantia spent an hour laserdisced, restarting the same story whenever anyone interrupted. lasered (/ˈleɪz.ə(ɹ)d/) adj. Drunk since last orders, and emitting a single, coherent beam of attention towards an unremarkable object. Charolet was lasered and addressed the exit sign with remarkable consistency. laserfectioned adj. Drunk to a degree that your confidence enters other people's cells without permission. Malec got laserfectioned and began introducing his opinions directly into everyone's personal space. lasergunned adj. Drunk beyond ordinary conversation, communicating instead by pointing with the concentrated force of a ray gun. Ioni was lasergunned by morning, indicating the required painkillers from across the room. laseristed adj. Drunk to the extent of directing an invisible light show for an audience that has not assembled. Lyela became laseristed and choreographed the crisps beneath the pub's blue light. laseriumed adj. Drunk on the strength of an indoor spectacle, with the ceiling mistaken for a professional venue. Winslow went laseriumed and dimmed the kitchen before announcing the main act. laserjeted adj. Drunk since last orders, and printing firm conclusions on whatever paper is available. Archiebald was laserjeted and issued a signed verdict on the pub's coat hooks.