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monkey humping a footballed adj. You have drunk enough to expend immense energy on a task producing no discernible result. Eliab was monkey humping a footballed, repeatedly trying the same locked door with increasing enthusiasm. monkey in the middled adj. You are drunk and repeatedly placed between two people, objects, or opposing directions. Zamarii went monkey in the middled when both friends tried to steer him through the doorway. monkey in the woodpiled adj. Of a drinker: unable, after several rounds, to explain the unexplained presence of one person in the party. Darchell became monkey in the woodpiled when asked who had invited the stranger from the stairs. monkey islanded adj. Of a drinker who has taken to the highest available platform and cannot safely navigate back to shore. monkey jacked adj. Describing a drinker who rises abruptly, lifts nothing useful, and collapses under the mechanical strain. Katilaya went monkey jacked beside the sofa, attempting to raise herself with one uncertain arm. monkey jacketed adj. A drinker who has become close-fitting, stiff at the shoulders, and dependent on a wall for navigation. monkey jarred adj. A drinker so far gone that every attempt at movement produces a fresh splash, rattle, or collision. Jakorie got monkey jarred and shook the cupboard while looking for the bathroom. monkey laddered adj. The state of being drunk and climbing upwards by any available support, with little regard for the destination. monkey lipped adj. The condition of a drinker who produces elaborate clicks and noises while attempting ordinary speech. monkey manned adj. The drunkenness of one who conducts the room with gestures, as though accompanied by an invisible performing animal. Sohaan went monkey manned and directed the choir from the foot of the stairs. monkey meated adj. Reduced by drink to a tinned, compact condition, requiring opening, serving, and careful handling. monkey metalled adj. Softened by drink into a cheap, easily cast shape that takes whatever form the floor provides. monkey modelled adj. Sharpened by drink into a reduced version of yourself, retaining only the functions needed to seek another round. Tyce was monkey modelled, retaining only enough function to request another drink. monkey motioned adj. Loosened by drink into a series of facial expressions and gestures bearing only a passing relation to conversation. monkey nutted (/ˈmʌŋki ˌnʌtd/) adj. Emboldened by drink to crack hard problems, hard shells, and occasionally the banister with your forehead. monkey on a sticked adj. Drunk and moving vertically without meaningful progress, rising and falling along the same narrow route. Vardaan went monkey on a sticked on the staircase, returning to the same step after every effort.