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medical certificated adj. Of a drinker: possessed of professional certainty that the stairs constitute an avoidable clinical event. medical conditioned adj. Of a drinker who has reclassified ordinary balance as an ailment requiring immediate horizontal observation. medical deserted adj. A drinker who has reached a region of the house with inadequate access to horizontal surfaces. Jeovany was medical deserted halfway upstairs, with no chair or level ground nearby. medical doctored adj. The state of being drunk and practising medicine on the banister instead of ascending normally. medical ethicsed adj. The condition of a drinker who weighs the moral consequences of abandoning the handrail. medical examinered adj. The drunkenness of one who approaches each stair as though determining whether it has expired. Lilyanne was medical examinered, checking the stairs for signs of life before climbing. medical fingered adj. Having drunk more than was wise, and now conducting a careful examination of the banister that neither party will remember clearly. Anavae was medical fingered against the banister, conducting an examination neither party could later explain. medical gloved adj. Softened by drink into grasping every available surface with the caution of a clinical examination. Haven was medical gloved, handling the banister as though cross-contamination were imminent. medical historied adj. Sharpened by drink into recalling every previous staircase failure before attempting another. Lebron was medical historied, recounting former falls while still at the foot of the stairs. medical informaticsed adj. Loosened by drink into converting every misstep into data for a healthcare system nobody installed. Elantra was medical informaticsed, logging each wobble against the staircase in real time. medical isotoped adj. A drinker who proceeds by half-lives, becoming noticeably less mobile after each further round. medical journalled adj. Drunk and documenting each loss of balance as though submitting it for peer review. Dayshanay was medical journalled, recording the staircase's contribution to her declining coordination. medical jurisprudenced adj. Drunk to the point where every collision with a stair becomes evidence in a formal case. medical marijuanaed adj. Drunk past the point of distinguishing therapeutic relaxation from abandoning all plans to climb. Krayton was medical marijuanaed and sat on the bottom stair for observed recovery. medical practitionered adj. Drunk in a way that makes each stair a patient requiring careful management. medical recorded adj. Drunk, with the result that every stumble is retained as part of the evening's history.