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newsreadered adj. Drunk since last orders, and delivering every sentence as though the room were awaiting the bulletin. newsreaderessed adj. Drunk by the third round, and presenting each stumble with the composure of a studio announcement. Sharod became newsreaderessed and gave a calm report on the alarming angle of the banister. newsreadinged adj. Drunk by closing time, and turning every attempt at conversation into a broadcast with scheduled interruptions. Cornetta was newsreadinged, giving the taxi queue a detailed account of her route home. newsreelled adj. Still drunk, and replaying the same movement in short, disconnected sequences. newsreelmanned adj. Too drunk to hold a straight line while recording events that are already happening around you. Kendrich went newsreelmanned and filmed the banister from several increasingly oblique positions. newsroomed (/ˈnjuːzɹuːmd/) adj. Sufficiently drunk to process every movement as urgent copy requiring immediate circulation. newsrounded adj. Having drunk enough to complete a circuit repeatedly while insisting the destination remains ahead. Dariela became newsrounded and made three laps of the landing before finding the bathroom. newssheeted adj. Drunk to the point where each remark is a short bulletin, rapidly passed between nearby drinkers. Marqueen got newssheeted and distributed concise reports about the landlord's missing pen. newsstanded adj. You have drunk enough to mistake a fixed support for a place from which you must depart. Michelina was newsstanded beside the bookcase, waiting for it to indicate the route home. newsstored adj. You are drunk and arranging your thoughts as though each required shelving before the next could begin. Wynonah was newsstored, shelving each thought before attempting the next. newstainmented adj. Of a drinker: turning minor bodily mishaps into gripping entertainment for everyone within hearing. Maelia became newstainmented after catching her sleeve, providing a dramatic account of the incident. newstalked adj. Of a drinker who has surrendered the floor to several conversations and cannot return to any of them. Kengston got newstalked and answered three questions with three unrelated accounts of the stairs. newstickered adj. Drunk beyond conversation, dispensing incoming observations in a narrow, mechanical succession. newstraded adj. Describing a drinker who exchanges one firm footing for another until the route becomes commercially unviable. Rieleigh was newstraded, transferring support from chair to table to wall across the room. newsvanned adj. A drinker who arrives at every movement with equipment, urgency and no reliable steering. newsvendered adj. A drinker so far gone that balance, like loose papers, is offered to anyone passing.