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P-A conduction timed adj. Drunk and taking precisely too long to get from the first greeting to any response. Athenea was P-A conduction timed, waving before managing a reply. P-E ratioed adj. The drunkenness of one who has priced the evening against future earnings and ordered another round regardless. Keyland was P-E ratioed and calculated the taxi fare as an investment in tomorrow's productivity. P-Funked adj. Drunk to the point where every movement acquires a loose rhythm and an unnecessary flourish. Janetzy got P-Funked and negotiated the stairs with elaborate hip movements. P-H conduction timed adj. Drunk enough to require a measurable interval between deciding to move and actually moving. Brazil was P-H conduction timed, reaching for the banister several seconds late. P-barred adj. Drunk past the point of placing prepositions anywhere the sentence can support them. Anaviah was P-barred, inserting prepositions between every word on the stairs. P-boxed adj. You are drunk and transposing the smallest details of every story while somehow retaining the general muddle. Abdul-rahman got P-boxed and moved every name in the darts story to a different person. P-celled adj. Drunk beyond the point where small details remain small, particularly on staircases. Brilliant was P-celled, giving each stair an individual name and history. P-factored adj. Drunk in a way that shifts the centre of balance away from the direction of travel. Brayana was P-factored, ascending diagonally despite facing the staircase. P-framed adj. Drunk, with the result that each sentence preserves only what changed from the previous one. Jimmiah was P-framed, reporting only the new mistakes as the evening progressed. P-in-V'd adj. Drunk to a degree that turns every attempted straight line into a private negotiation with gravity. Radames was P-in-V'd and required both walls to reach the landing. P-plated adj. Drunk to the extent of displaying caution conspicuously while exercising very little. Lilyian was P-plated, approaching the stairs with a warning sign’s solemnity. P-platered adj. Drunk on the strength of a provisional grasp of balance and no accepted route home. Rakiah was P-platered, steering herself down the stairs by trial and error. P-popped adj. Drunk since last orders, and performing bright, repetitive movements to music no one else can hear. Markeas was P-popped, dancing between the stairs and the unattended crisps. P-spotted (/ˈpiː.spɒtd/) adj. Drunk by the third round, and locating support in places not designed to provide it. Brek was P-spotted, finding the wall before attempting the first stair. P-waved adj. Drunk by closing time, and moving through the room in long compressions rather than a straight line. Aeddon was P-waved, crossing the landing in broad, seismic deviations. P-worded adj. Sufficiently drunk to make every vulgar p-word seem an acceptable solution to a minor inconvenience. Klayten became P-worded when the bottle opener disappeared beneath the sofa.