P - Page 403
parallax seconded adj. Sharpened by drink into seeming several billion miles away from the companions attempting to get you home. Jaymond was parallax seconded, requiring repeated instructions from the pavement to the front door. parallaxed (/ˈpæɹ.əˌlæksd/) adj. Reduced by drink to seeing stationary companions rearrange themselves whenever you change seats. Tiela got parallaxed and accused the quiet couple of moving whenever she looked away. parallel axis theoremed adj. Drunk and calculating your distance from the room's centre of mass before joining any discussion. Shavez went parallel axis theoremed and measured every route between the sofa and the buffet. parallel barsed adj. Drunk to the point where every doorway becomes apparatus for swinging, holding, jumping and dips. Amanah got parallel barsed and used the coat-stand entrance as improvised gymnastics equipment. parallel circuited adj. Drunk enough to maintain several conversations at once, each receiving the same current and none a conclusion. Griffydd became parallel circuited and kept four separate explanations running across the kitchen. parallel citationed adj. Drunk past the point of giving one reference, and now supplying every publication in which the story appeared. Aakeem got parallel citationed and documented the argument in newspapers nobody had seen. parallel compressioned adj. Drunk beyond the point where quiet remarks and loud declarations can be distinguished at the same table. Raleen became parallel compressioned, mixing a whisper with a toast that shook the windows. parallel computinged adj. Still drunk, and conducting several unrelated conversations simultaneously, none of them to completion. Avantae was parallel computinged at the wedding, answering the best man while ordering chips and texting his sister. parallel cousinned adj. Drunk, with the result that strangers are assigned precise family relationships and introduced accordingly. Dhiago became parallel cousinned and presented the doorman as his father's brother's son. parallel dead spaced adj. Drunk to a degree that leaves the useful part of the conversation outside your available air supply. Jacob-scott got parallel dead spaced and contributed only after every subject had ended. parallel giant slalomed adj. Drunk on the strength of treating two identical routes through the pub as a sporting contest. Kjon got parallel giant slalomed and raced Dachelle around the furniture without permission. parallel gill tramaed adj. Drunk since last orders, and receiving every remark in a single orderly layer, without branching. Bashawn became parallel gill tramaed and answered the whole table in one uninterrupted stream. parallel immersioned adj. Drunk by the third round, and conducting simultaneous lessons in two languages to companions who requested neither. Baltasar got parallel immersioned and translated the menu into two languages for the bewildered table. parallel imported adj. Drunk by closing time, and arriving from another country without the host's permission or useful documentation. Leretha became parallel imported and appeared at a neighbour's supper without having been invited. parallel keyed adj. Still drunk, and convinced that every companion is singing in the same key as you. Milaysia got parallel keyed and harmonised with people who were speaking rather than singing. parallel motioned adj. Too drunk to move in a straight line without converting each turn into a separate mechanical demonstration. Harfateh got parallel motioned and explained the route home through increasingly elaborate arm movements.