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railtoured adj. A drinker who has mistaken an ordinary journey home for an exclusive railway excursion. Daisylynn was railtoured and described the taxi ride as an itinerary of rare scenic merit. railtracked adj. Drunk to the point where every journey from the sofa to the kitchen follows an established line. Hidi was railtracked, using the same three chairs as landmarks on each trip for water. railtrucked adj. A drinker so far gone that transport is no longer a service but a condition requiring assembly. Tykel was railtrucked and had to be constructed carefully in the back seat. railwagonned adj. The state of being drunk and conveyed as cargo, preferably towards a bed. Rayola was railwagonned home by two relatives who treated the operation as freight handling. railway buffed adj. Drunk since last orders, and explaining locomotive history to everyone who came merely to drink. Kystal got railway buffed and corrected the landlord’s account of the Flying Scotsman. railway carriaged adj. Drunk by the third round, and treating the table as a moving compartment whose passengers must remain seated. Dewitte became railway carriaged and objected when anyone changed seats without announcing the destination. railway crossinged adj. Drunk by closing time, and allowing nobody to proceed until both sides of every argument have passed. Cali-mae got railway crossinged and stopped the farewell to inspect who had priority. railway gunned adj. Still drunk, and requiring several people to move you before you can be brought to bear on the front door. Anyela remained railway gunned in the snug until four people agreed on a route home. railway keyed adj. Too drunk to distinguish authorised access from an invitation, and trying every door in the building. Demarques became railway keyed and attempted the staff entrance with a house key. railway lined adj. Sufficiently drunk to mistake every conversation for a route and insist that others stay on it. Ellis got railway lined and objected whenever the group’s discussion took a different direction. railway signalled adj. Having drunk more than the company can interpret, and issuing warnings whose meaning changes with each gesture. Lakedrick was railway signalled, waving people forward before urgently stopping them again. railway sleepered adj. You have drunk enough to become part of the furniture, while friends step over you towards the last train. Marvene was railway sleepered beneath the bench, still holding a ticket for somewhere else. railway spined adj. You are drunk and describing every minor bump in the journey as a condition requiring witnesses. Orelie became railway spined after the taxi crossed a speed hump and summoned everyone’s sympathy. railway stamped adj. Of a drinker: applying official approval to every parcel of gossip before sending it round the room. Kathryne got railway stamped and certified each rumour before passing it to the next table. railway stationed adj. Of a drinker who has selected one place and expects the evening’s traffic to come through it. Austan got railway stationed beside the fruit machine and received every departing guest. railway tied adj. Still drunk, and fixed across the proceedings with the immovable dignity of preserved timber. Oreta was railway tied beneath the dining table, where the family found her at breakfast.