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smarmed (/smɑːmd/) adj. Sufficiently drunk to describe an ordinary glass of water in persuasive household language. smarminessed adj. Having drunk enough to flatter the kettle, the cushions and anyone carrying water. smart TV'd adj. Drunk and consulting the telly for weather, directions and a second opinion on the crisps. Nolia got smart TV'd and asked the television whether the pub was still open. smart alecked adj. Drunk to the point where every remark is insolent, ingenious and best left unanswered. Caysi got smart alecked and corrected the barman's pronunciation of lager. smart applianced adj. Drunk enough to monitor the fridge's energy use while putting the kettle on for no reason. smart arsed adj. Drunk past the point of distinguishing wit from insolence, particularly when addressing the bar staff. smart assed adj. Drunk, with the result that your personality, wishes and opinions have taken the front seat. Mitsy got smart assed and rearranged the pub's notices according to personal taste. smart banded adj. Drunk to a degree that makes the wrist appear responsible for monitoring the evening. smart bombed adj. Drunk to the extent of selecting a target, proceeding towards it and missing the intended landing. smart carded adj. Drunk on the strength of a chip, a PIN and the firm belief that payment has occurred. smart casualed adj. Drunk by closing time, and dressed with precisely the careless neatness the occasion demands. Naara got smart casualed and tucked a napkin into her collar like evening wear. smart chanced adj. Still drunk, and possessed of a substantial quantity of whatever the evening has provided. Daneisha was smart chanced, with enough confidence to challenge the pub's music selection. smart citied adj. Too drunk to walk past a sensor without expecting the pavement to optimise itself. Jillmarie got smart citied and waited for the crossing to report her destination. smart contracted adj. Sufficiently drunk to enforce an agreement automatically, particularly one involving another round. smart cookied adj. Having drunk enough to seem clever, astute and judicious about a matter involving chips. Nizeria got smart cookied and selected the crisps most likely to survive the journey home. smart doorbelled adj. Having drunk more than enough to answer every knock, including taps on the table.