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split stitched adj. Drunk past the point of keeping one conversation intact, sewing remarks from several companions into each answer. Darshea sat split stitched between two conversations, leaving Erilyn to explain the replies. split stuffed adj. Drunk beyond remaining whole in company, breaking into separate opinions whenever anyone asked a simple question. split switched adj. Drunk in a way that sends every discussion onto another track, leaving companions to find the points again. split tendered adj. Drunk, with the result that every round is paid for in two incompatible ways and settled by committee. split tested adj. Drunk to a degree that requires each companion to try a different version of the same explanation. split ticketed adj. Drunk to the extent of supporting every side in the room, leaving companions unsure which argument was winning. split wheelled adj. Drunk on the strength of borrowed momentum, sending companions round the room to retrieve the person who set it going. split wine bottled adj. Drunk since last orders, and reduced to a single-serving companion whom nobody can safely leave unattended. split-S'd adj. Drunk by the third round, and assigning different rules of conduct to each person in the group. split-complex numbered adj. Drunk by closing time, and behaving as though every social exchange has two equally valid, opposed outcomes. split-finger fastballed adj. Drunk past the point of a steady course, arriving quickly and sinking just before conversation. Kypros went split-finger fastballed near the pumps and disappeared beneath the level of the banter. split-fingered fastballed adj. Still drunk, and delivering rapid, sinking remarks between two fingers of attention, none of which reaches the intended point. split-levelled adj. Sufficiently drunk to conduct separate conversations on separate floors, requiring one friend to relay between them. split-phase powered adj. Having drunk enough to supply two opposing currents of conversation, both drawing heavily on the same exhausted companions. Debraca became split-phase powered at supper, and Lafonda grounded each argument before dessert. split-quaternioned adj. Having drunk more than four companions can comfortably correct, yet continuing to occupy several incompatible versions of the evening. Malyk was split-quaternioned by closing time, while Spenser kept the competing histories to himself. split-ring resonatored adj. You are drunk and vibrating between two conversations, amplifying both while maintaining a small, unhelpful gap between them.