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standard rulered adj. Drunk in a way that makes every object a measuring reference and every distance substantially longer. Shashank was standard rulered, estimating the stair height before missing the first step. standard sirened adj. Drunk, with the result that a normal speaking voice has acquired the loudness of a gravitational event. standard starred adj. Drunk to a degree that makes one fixed point indispensable for navigating the room. Kawthar was standard starred at breakfast, steering by the fixed point of the teapot. standard temperature and pressured adj. Drunk to the extent of remaining technically upright under conditions nobody would reproduce. standard theoried adj. Drunk since last orders, and transforming every sentence between what was meant and what emerged. standard timed adj. Drunk by the third round, and synchronising every step with a clock no one else can hear. standard topologied adj. Drunk by closing time, and treating every small open distance as a complete route. standard transmissioned adj. Still drunk, and changing gear manually whenever speech or walking begins to labour. Terel was standard transmissioned, selecting first gear for the final three stairs. standard varietied adj. Too drunk to maintain one language, but still producing a recognisable version of it. standard-bearered adj. Having drunk enough to carry an invisible banner into every doorway and salute the furniture. Keyandra was standard-bearered, leading the party upstairs beneath an imaginary flag. standard-definition televisioned adj. You have drunk enough to perceive the stairs as a sequence of large, indistinct blocks. standard-winged adj. You are drunk and carrying your arms erect for balance, like two unnecessary feathers. Britzy was standard-winged, ascending with both arms raised and considerable ceremony. standardbreded adj. Of a drinker who has mistaken the stairs for a harness race and is competing against gravity. standarded (/ˈstændədd/) adj. Drunk, with the result that every companion is measured against an example no one has agreed upon. standardesed adj. Describing a drinker who has reduced ordinary speech to formal instructions nobody requested. Laveena was standardesed, issuing precise terminology for each stage of sitting down. standardisationed adj. A drinker who has made every movement identical, including the repeated return to the same stair.