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step-uncled adj. Drunk enough to appoint every older man encountered on the stairs to a collateral family office. step-upped adj. A drinker so far gone that mounting one stair resembles a complete exercise programme. stepanovited adj. The state of being drunk and mineral-like: dense, oddly coloured, and difficult to move uphill. stepaunted adj. The drunkenness of one who turns each female bystander into an aunt and each landing into a visit. Abi was stepaunted, confiding in the coat-check attendant about the stairs. stepbacked adj. Reduced by drink to retreating one pace at a time, preserving a shelf of dignity between each movement. stepbairned adj. Softened by drink into a stepchild, following the banister and requiring patient supervision. Elanur was stepbairned, trailing behind the party with careful little steps. stepbarned adj. Sharpened by drink into a stepchild with a distinctly northern determination to descend unaided. stepbroed adj. Loosened by drink into a familiar younger male relation, especially when balance fails. stepbrothered adj. Slowed by drink to the pace of a cautious relative negotiating an unfamiliar staircase. Shanekqua was stepbrothered, taking one stair while the party took six. stepbrotherhooded adj. Drunk and forming a brotherhood with whoever happens to be holding the other side of the banister. stepcested adj. Drunk to the point where the stairs have become an uncomfortably close family matter. stepchaired adj. You are drunk and climbing on furniture for the last round, convinced the steps make it a ladder. Massinissa became stepchaired and attempted to reach his coat from the top of a bar chair. stepcharted adj. Drunk since last orders, and progressing in distinct horizontal stages between destinations. stepchilded adj. Of a drinker: accepting every complicated family arrangement offered during the journey home. stepchildhooded adj. Of a drinker who has acquired, by closing time, the permanent sense of belonging to somebody else's family. stepcousinned adj. Describing a drinker who assigns a distant cousinship to everyone sharing the taxi rank. Oral became stepcousinned and claimed the bouncer was related through an aunt by marriage.