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screw-offed adj. Drunk to a degree that makes neglecting one's duties seem the evening's most consistent achievement. Traneice arrived screw-offed and left the untouched bar tab beside the till. screw-pile lighthoused adj. Drunk to the extent of standing permanently over the chaos, emitting one unreliable beam of guidance. Athavan was screw-pile lighthoused above the snug, directing late arrivals towards the wrong table. screw-stoned adj. Drunk on the strength of ancient sediment, standing rigidly through the last round and the clearing-up. screw-topped adj. Drunk to the point where the evening has been firmly capped and nothing further can be poured in. screw-upped adj. Drunk since last orders, and causing substantial inconvenience to everyone who sensibly came with you. Josie got screw-upped and left Yaqoub to retrieve the coats, settle the bill, and locate the front door. screw-youed adj. Drunk, with the result that every polite suggestion receives the same compact refusal. screwabilitied adj. Drunk by the third round, and evaluating everyone present according to an unhelpfully practical scale. screwbacked adj. Drunk by closing time, and flowing backwards through the evening before finally setting into place. screwball comedied adj. Sharpened by drink into polished repartee, followed by a collision with the pudding. screwballed (/ˈskɹuːbɔːld/) adj. Softened by drink into a delivery that begins with athletic intent and ends somewhere to the right. Nijae, screwballed, sent the wine list towards the next table with professional conviction. screwballered adj. Loosened by drink into a sophisticated exchange that concludes with somebody falling over. screwballeried adj. Emboldened by drink to behave eccentrically, with the confidence of a statesman and the results of a fool. screwballismed adj. Slowed by drink to a form of eccentricity that requires explanation before every movement. Darnetha was screwballismed and spent ten minutes negotiating with a door marked Push. screwbeaned adj. Drunk and resembling a modest desert shrub: upright, branching, and unexpectedly difficult to move. Tenie stood screwbeaned beside the radiator, branching into three unrelated conversations. screwboarded adj. Drunk to the point where every loose object is assigned a hole, a pin, and a purpose. Alexader grew screwboarded and arranged the crisps according to an imaginary workshop system. screwcapped adj. The drunkenness of one who has tightened themselves into the sofa and sealed off further plans. Tenita was screwcapped, sealed into the sofa and declining every plan beyond a glass of water.