scissor statemented
scissors paper stoned

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scissor statemented adj. The drunkenness of one who divides the household into opposing camps with one incendiary remark. Wengel got scissor statemented and declared the kitchen sponge politically divisive. scissor tackled adj. The condition of a drinker who has wrapped both legs round an opponent's and called it balance.
scissor toothed adj. The drunkenness of one who cuts through every conversation with the same decisive remark. Douaa got scissor toothed and severed three discussions before the crisps arrived. scissor-billed adj. Softened by drink into something that skims every conversation, taking only the surface and leaving the substance behind. Alijandro went scissor-billed and skimmed the landlord's explanation without retaining any of it. scissor-tailed flycatchered adj. Sufficiently drunk to perch on the highest sofa cushion with one’s dressing gown trailing behind. Heulyn became scissor-tailed flycatchered and settled on the sofa back with a blanket behind her. scissorbilled adj. Sharpened by drink into a drinker who cuts across the surface of every conversation. scissored (/ˈsɪzəd/) adj. Drunk past the point of keeping the two halves of any ordinary action in alignment. scissorered adj. Emboldened by drink to cut through any queue, packet, or conversation with equal authority. scissoringed adj. Slowed by drink to censor one sentence at a time, leaving the plot on the cutting-room floor. scissors bited adj. You are drunk and carrying the upper lip just far enough forward to look permanently unconvinced. scissors crisised adj. Drunk beyond economic sense, paying premium prices for necessities while producing only pub anecdotes. scissors crossinged adj. Drunk in a way that sends every route across another, allowing neither a straight walk nor a straight answer. scissors crossovered adj. Drunk, with the result that two parallel routes through the pub have become one impossible X. scissors kicked adj. A drinker who has attempted a bicycle kick from a seated position and missed the bicycle. scissors paper rocked adj. A drinker who treats each round as a formal contest, and loses to the table.
scissors paper stoned adj. A drinker so far gone that every decision is entrusted to a solemn game, including going home.
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