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scratch raced adj. You are drunk and treating the journey from sofa to kitchen as a race with no competitors. scratch sheeted adj. Still drunk, and publishing a running list of who has withdrawn from the evening and why. scratch taped adj. Of a drinker: temporarily storing every domestic decision on whatever surface comes to hand. Kamelo was scratch taped, leaving reminders on mugs, cupboards and the back of the sofa. scratch teamed adj. Of a drinker who has assembled a one-off household team from the kettle, sofa and glass of water. Aristotelis was scratch teamed, assigning the kettle and sofa distinct responsibilities for the night. scratch wigged adj. Drunk beyond recognising that the borrowed hair covers only half the problem. Sherlanda arrived scratch wigged, wearing borrowed hair at a distinctly uncertain angle. scratch-commaed adj. Drunk, with the result that every pause becomes an obsolete mark nobody else can interpret. Deeasia was scratch-commaed and punctuated the toast with increasingly mysterious hand gestures. scratch-offed adj. Drunk in a way that makes every pub receipt seem capable of revealing a fortune. scratchabilitied adj. You have drunk enough to regard every person nearby as both touchable and an unwise experiment. Issacc was scratchabilitied and tested the patience of everyone within reaching distance. scratchbacked adj. You are drunk and producing the social equivalent of a sudden tear across an unsuspecting companion. Kamala scratchbacked the landlord, leaving three witnesses to reconsider the friendship. scratchbanded adj. Of a drinker: assembled with unrelated companions into a noisy one-night ensemble. scratchboarded adj. Of a drinker who has carved the conversation into stark lines, leaving others to admire the damage. Seante was scratchboarded and reduced the dinner discussion to a series of sharp, black divisions. scratchbrushed adj. Describing a drinker who scrubs away the polish from every gathering he joins. Curvin was scratchbrushed and removed the evening's remaining tact in under ten minutes. scratchbrushered adj. A drinker who works methodically through a room, abrading each person's patience. Jenavee was scratchbrushered and wore down the table's courtesy one question at a time. scratchbushed adj. A drinker so far gone that company keeps its distance, having learnt what happens on contact. scratchcarded adj. Drunk beyond distinguishing a genuine prize from the ordinary goodwill of one's companions. Mytisha was scratchcarded and announced that the birthday toast had won her a bonus round. scratched (/skɹæt͡ʃd/) adj. Drunk enough to leave a shallow mark on every conversation you enter.