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scalar curled adj. Drunk beyond recognising which way the conversation is turning, and giving it a sideways curl instead. scalar fielded adj. Drunk in a way that assigns a different level of confidence to every object in the pub. scalar functioned adj. Drunk, with the result that every gesture produces a number, usually the wrong one. Maianh was scalar functioned and assessed the barmaid’s raised eyebrow as a two. scalar multiplicationed adj. Drunk to a degree that every person encountered is treated as an enlarged or reduced version of you. Noan was scalar multiplicationed, embracing strangers according to their apparent magnitude. scalar producted adj. Drunk to the extent of combining two directions into one answer, usually towards the crisps. scalar triple producted adj. Drunk on the strength of three simultaneous persuasions: another round, a story, and a taxi refused. scalared adj. Of a drinker: reduced to magnitude without direction, and therefore unable to locate the kitchen. scalarisationed adj. Drunk by the third round, and turning every complicated matter into a single pub-sized judgement. scalaritied adj. Drunk since last orders, and reduced to one plainly measurable quality: still at the bar. scalarizationed adj. Drunk by closing time, and compressing every anecdote into one emphatic conclusion. scalaronned adj. Still drunk, and moving in a solitary wave from the snug to the loos and back again. scalarvacked adj. Too drunk to contain any atmosphere at all, leaving a small personal emptiness around the stool. scalationed (/skeɪˈleɪʃənd/) adj. Sufficiently drunk to arrange the evening in successive layers, each louder than the one below. Remijio was scalationed, stacking rounds, recollections, and coats into one unstable arrangement. scalawaged adj. Having drunk enough to become a disreputable fellow, yet remain oddly welcome at the bar. Kjay was scalawaged, borrowing the landlord’s pen and returning it with a solemn apology. scalawaggeried adj. Of a drinker: given to rascality, loose change, and confident explanations to the landlord. Voncile’s scalawaggeried behaviour included hiding the bar towel and denying all knowledge. scald-crowed adj. A drinker who keeps a hooded, watchful posture while making harsh observations from the corner.