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scattergraphed adj. A drinker who has spread their attention across the pub with no discernible pattern. Damarious was scattergraphed, moving from the barmaid to the dartboard and back again. scattergunned adj. A drinker so far gone that every sentence leaves the mouth in several unrelated directions. scatterhoardered adj. The state of being drunk and hiding snacks, beer mats and borrowed property in separate safe places. Arleen became scatterhoardered, concealing crisps beneath chairs for later emergencies. scattering functioned adj. The drunkenness of one who has sent each remaining impulse in a different direction. Holbert was scattering functioned, turning towards every voice and answering none of them. scatteringed (/ˈskætəɹɪŋd/) adj. The condition of a drinker who has dispersed small portions of themselves throughout the evening. Altee was scatteringed, leaving a remark, a glove and several crisps at each table. scatterlinged adj. Softened by drink into a permanent wanderer between the bar, the lavatory and the last bus. Jonwesley was scatterlinged, carrying one pint through three parts of the pub without settling. scattermouched adj. Sharpened by drink into an indiscriminate foreigner in one's own local, gesturing at everything. Tonica became scattermouched and treated the pub menu as an unfamiliar phrasebook. scatterogramed adj. Describing a drinker who has plotted their conversations widely, with no obvious central tendency. scatterometered adj. Loosened by drink into a human weather instrument, detecting every draught and reporting it loudly. scatterometried adj. Emboldened by drink to measure every draught in the pub and propose adjustments to the landlord. scatterploted adj. A drinker who has arranged the evening as isolated points: sofa, sink, kettle and floor. Josa was scatterploted, appearing successively beside the sink, sofa and kitchen bin. scatterpointed adj. The state of being drunk and represented by one isolated cushion, shoe or glass in each room. Khalen was scatterpointed, leaving a cushion in the hallway and water beside the fridge. scattied adj. Having drunk more than a small diving fish would tolerate, and still attempting the difficult descent for crisps. Jetton was scattied and spent ten minutes studying the crisps from beneath the table. scattinessed adj. Sufficiently drunk to mislay the grand design and find the spectacles in the refrigerator. scattinged adj. Having drunk enough to improvise an operatic accompaniment to the kettle coming to the boil. scattlanded adj. Drunk and paying for the ground beneath each unsteady step, preferably in loose change.