Sp - Page 190
split screened adj. Drunk by closing time, and conducting two adjacent conversations with neither one displaying properly. Sailyn became split screened, answering the barman and the coat stand in adjoining mental windows. split seconded adj. Of a drinker: timing two companions separately, stopping each farewell whenever another person appears willing to listen. Carline was split seconded at the station, delaying Renwick's departure and then beginning another goodbye. split shortsed adj. Sufficiently drunk to mistake athletic freedom of movement for a compelling reason to leave one’s trousers behind. Idelisa became split shortsed and demonstrated freer movement between the bar and the lavatory. split shotted adj. Having drunk enough to send your own plans one way and the evening’s remaining dignity another. Moez became split shotted and drove his intention towards the door while dignity went elsewhere. split singled adj. You have drunk enough to make one record contain several artists, chiefly yourself and the person holding your coat. split slabbed adj. Sufficiently drunk to require one firm surface beneath the feet and another to lean upon. split squatted adj. Drunk enough to make every seated conversation a one-legged demonstration, requiring assistance from those seated nearby. split stitched adj. Drunk past the point of keeping one conversation intact, sewing remarks from several companions into each answer. Darshea sat split stitched between two conversations, leaving Erilyn to explain the replies. split stuffed adj. Drunk beyond remaining whole in company, breaking into separate opinions whenever anyone asked a simple question. split switched adj. Drunk in a way that sends every discussion onto another track, leaving companions to find the points again. split tendered adj. Drunk, with the result that every round is paid for in two incompatible ways and settled by committee. split tested adj. Drunk to a degree that requires each companion to try a different version of the same explanation. split ticketed adj. Drunk to the extent of supporting every side in the room, leaving companions unsure which argument was winning. split wheelled adj. Drunk on the strength of borrowed momentum, sending companions round the room to retrieve the person who set it going. split wine bottled adj. Drunk since last orders, and reduced to a single-serving companion whom nobody can safely leave unattended. split-S'd adj. Drunk by the third round, and assigning different rules of conduct to each person in the group.