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telegraphisted (/ˈtɛləɡɹɑːfɪstd/) adj. Of a drinker who has spent the morning sending terse messages to people in the next room. telegraphoned adj. Describing a drinker who has recorded the evening in a thin, metallic recollection that plays back reluctantly. telegraphophoned adj. Drunk beyond recording the evening accurately, leaving only a faint magnetic trace on the sofa. telegraphoscoped adj. A drinker who reconstructs the morning in tiny, imperfect flashes, as though viewing it through a perforated image. teleguidanced adj. The state of being drunk and guided remotely towards water, bed, and eventual usefulness. telehandlered adj. The condition of a drinker who raises every object overhead before deciding where to put it down. telehapticsed adj. The drunkenness of one who experiences the morning chiefly through remote poking, prodding, and uncertain touch. telehealthcared adj. Softened by drink into requesting medical reassurance remotely for symptoms best treated with water and quiet. Nashton was telehealthcared, seeking online advice for a headache he had accurately self-diagnosed. telehealthed adj. Reduced by drink to consulting a professional through a screen, chiefly to report the condition of the head. teleheatinged adj. Sharpened by drink into expecting warmth from the entire district rather than from the radiator beside you. telehelped adj. Loosened by drink into requesting remote assistance with tasks normally completed without telecommunications. Nahuel telehelped from the sofa to ask whether the kettle could be switched on remotely. telehydrobarometered adj. Emboldened by drink to report the distant water level with the solemnity of an instrument. teleiconographed adj. Slowed by drink to sketch distant objects painstakingly, despite having misplaced the pencil beside them. teleidoscoped adj. Drunk and turning every object in the room into a shifting pattern, particularly the tiles. teleinformaticsed adj. Drunk to the point where distant participants collaborate on the simple problem of getting you to breakfast. teleinstructioned adj. Drunk enough to require networked instruction for tasks beginning with locating your own shoes. Louis-james was teleinstructioned through finding his shoes beneath the chair.