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total footballed (/ˈtəʊtəl ˈfʊtbɔːld/) adj. Drunk by the third round, and changing conversational positions while preserving an impressive illusion of structure. total functioned adj. Drunk by closing time, and mapping every possible input to an answer of doubtful relevance. total grouped adj. Still drunk, and classifying the entire company by evolutionary proximity to whoever currently holds the crisps. total hardnessed adj. Too drunk to distinguish calcium from magnesium, but quite certain the water has become personally obdurate. total internal reflectioned adj. Having drunk enough to approach every boundary obliquely, ensuring that nothing said reaches the medium beyond. total internal reflexioned adj. Slowed by drink to reflect every morning-after consequence back upon the person who caused it. total lossed adj. Drunk beyond the point at which the evening can be recovered, itemised, or claimed upon. Beandon woke total lossed, with the previous night written off before coffee. total objected adj. Drunk to a degree that treats every completed action as settled, including those still being attempted. total ordered adj. Drunk to the extent of arranging every memory into a hierarchy, with the wrong event at the top. total ordering relationed adj. Drunk on the strength of finding every recollection comparable, though none points in the right direction. Pascal was total ordering relationed, ranking every memory while directing none towards home. total packaged adj. Drunk since last orders, and presenting the complete set of symptoms in one tidy morning parcel. Brayana arrived total packaged, with dry mouth, optimism and no recollection of the taxi. total quality managemented adj. Too drunk to accept any morning-after symptom without assigning it an owner and improvement plan. Alizia was total quality managemented, auditing the headache before finishing her tea. total recalled adj. Sufficiently drunk to remember every detail, except the detail explaining why the details exist. total return swapped adj. You have drunk enough to exchange the night’s gains and losses wholesale for a morning of exposure. total revenued adj. You are drunk and counting the morning's consequences as though each item had generated its own invoice. total ring of fractionsed adj. Of a drinker: drunk enough to permit every denominator, provided it is not zero or breakfast. Meile was total ring of fractionsed, dividing the remaining headache between several explanations.