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touch footballed adj. Slowed by drink to a version of sport in which being tapped constitutes a complete defensive strategy. Centeria got touch footballed and treated the garden party as a low-contact sporting fixture. touch holed adj. Drunk and reduced to a small aperture through which the evening's remaining charge may be ignited. touch judged adj. Drunk past the point of officiating accurately, yet still signalling that everyone has gone out of bounds. touch labored adj. Drunk beyond the managerial layer, handling the practical work while misplacing the finished product. touch lined adj. A drinker who remains close to the boundary, without quite crossing it. touch mapped adj. Drunk in a way that records every point at which the person has contacted the room. touch moved adj. Describing a drinker who has picked up, relocated, or finished every object on the kitchen counter that a hand has landed on, whether or not this was the intention. touch of the 'tismed adj. Drunk to a degree that makes every minor preference seem worthy of a formal accommodation. touch of the tar brushed adj. Drunk to the extent of acquiring an inexplicable dark mark, usually from the fireplace or a biro. touch of the tarbrushed adj. Drunk on the strength of a single dark smudge, now treated as evidence of a distinguished past. touch padded adj. Softened by drink into navigating a laptop by pressing its flat control surface. touch panelled adj. Drunk since last orders, and attempting to operate the wall by tapping it with increasing confidence. touch penned adj. Drunk by closing time, and confined to a small area where a stylus would ordinarily be useful. touch phoned adj. Loosened by drink into addressing a mobile screen as though it were a reliable companion. touch pieced adj. Still drunk, and carrying a small token believed to confer healing, though it chiefly confers pocket weight. touch pooled adj. Sufficiently drunk to mistake an aquarium for a social invitation and the fish for willing participants.