wooden horsed
woodenheaded

W - Page 553

wooden horsed adj. Having drunk enough to mount an imaginary toy and accept its modest progress as cavalry. wooden kimonoed adj. Having drunk more than enough to regard the evening as a final resting place, preferably horizontal.
wooden languaged adj. You have drunk enough to replace a simple request with an abstract statement about the management of refreshments. wooden legged adj. You are drunk and advancing with the solemn, detachable rhythm of a peg-leg. wooden mared adj. Of a drinker: mounted upon an imaginary toy horse, with the dignity of a minor sovereign. wooden nickelled adj. Of a drinker who has mistaken a worthless token for legal tender and offered it towards the bill. wooden nutmeged adj. Describing a drinker who has invested a worthless object with the solemn value of treasure. wooden overcoated adj. Emboldened by drink to suggest a coffin as practical outerwear for a chilly walk home. Jernell went wooden overcoated and enquired whether the funeral director had a larger size. wooden spooned (/ˈwʊdən spuːnd/) adj. A drinker who has begun preparing food with a utensil of such dignity that supper remains theoretical. wooden spoonered adj. A drinker so far gone that finishing last has acquired the status of an official sporting achievement. wooden spoonisted adj. The state of being drunk and occupying last place with the composure of an awarded competitor. Yazel was wooden spoonisted, applauding the scoreboard despite having supplied most of the wrong answers. wooden surtouted adj. The condition of a drinker who has mistaken a formal outer garment for an appropriate sleeping arrangement. Fynlie was wooden surtouted by closing time and folded himself beneath a borrowed coat. wooden wedged adj. The drunkenness of one who has reached the bottom of the academic list and finds it comfortable there. wooden-topped adj. Reduced by drink to a uniformed police officer in judgement, posture and absolutely no useful authority. woodendited adj. Sharpened by drink into dark, volcanic certainty, before cooling beside the unattended snacks.
woodenheaded adj. Loosened by drink into a blockhead who can explain the obvious only after misplacing it.
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