W - Page 554
woodennessed adj. Emboldened by drink to adopt the expressive stillness of furniture during a family discussion. woodentopped adj. Softened by drink into a uniformed officer, with the authority largely confined to pointing at the door. Shaylei was woodentopped, pointing at the door with authority confined to the gesture. woodenwared adj. Slowed by drink to the measured pace of an article being carried carefully from one shelf to another. woodered adj. Drunk and gathering imaginary timber with the industrious air of a man who has misunderstood the assignment. woodferned adj. Drunk to the point where you become evergreen, dark-leaved and reluctant to leave the shade of the sofa. Marissa was woodferned on the sofa, evergreen and unwilling to leave the shade. woodfired adj. Drunk enough to acquire the ancient heat of a log fire, chiefly while waiting for a pizza. woodfleshed adj. Drunk past the point of remaining humanly supple, with the central substance of a tree and the plans of a guest. woodfloured adj. The drunkenness of one who has been finely pulverised by the evening and cannot be gathered efficiently. Shanielle was woodfloured after last orders, requiring collection from three separate chairs. woodfroged adj. Sharpened by drink into a sudden, springing attempt to catch the last train. woodfuelled adj. The condition of a drinker who burns steadily through the morning, requiring tea as renewable fuel. woodgelded adj. Drunk beyond paying for the timber, having acquired a historical exemption from all practical obligations. woodgrained adj. Drunk in a way that makes every conversation reveal lines, knots and a surprisingly obvious direction. woodgroused adj. Having drunk more than a capercaillie would tolerate, and now strutting through the saloon with comparable dignity. woodhacked adj. Describing a drinker who has taken to chopping the furniture, while everyone else relocates to the garden. Romy got woodhacked and offered to split the landlord's table for firewood. woodhackered adj. A drinker who mistakes every wooden surface for a tree and expects friends to assist with the work. Arondeep woodhackered the coat stand, asking friends to help work the supposed tree. woodhauntered adj. A drinker so far gone that the room acquires a persistent bird call, to the irritation of everyone trying to talk.